OCNews

The following story was written by CMNS 390 student Nicolette Horn about an interview with fellow student Marlene Abbott. This story is part of a class assignment teaching students to practice soft communication skills –empathy, trust and intimacy – and showing how those skills become the cornerstones of interpersonal communication. This story is being shared with permission.

Marlene Abbott is a 56-year-old mature student doing her BBA in human resources. We unintentionally met through school as assigned partners, but our conversations have a way of flowing as if we have been friends forever. She says I remind her of an "Old soul", whatever that means.

I call Marlene on Facebook where we have become virtually friends and she answers immediately. She looks flustered on her old pixelated camera, complaining of our most recent blog assignment.

"Maybe it's just my age, but what does Marc mean by my life project. I don't think I can relate this to in my life."

She massages her forehead making her wrinkles press together in a stressed manner.

"What do you mean by your age?"

Marlene’s journey began in 1980 when she ran away from home for a boy. She told her dad she was going bowling, but instead, she quit high school and hopped on a plane to Toronto. Later in life, with no high school love insight, Marlene worked at Field stores and was a district manager before they closed in 2015. It had been 41 years since she was in school until she decided to go back to Okanagan College because she "wanted to pursue something more meaningful".

"I don’t get what I'm supposed to write. The only thing I can think about is school because that has been my focus for the last three years."

"Well, for starters, I think it's courageous that you went back to school at this time in your life; I know I couldn't do what you are doing. Where do you get the drive that makes you try new things and want to succeed?"

"Honestly, I needed to break the cycle from my parents. I wasn't happy because I had to grow up at such a young age. I saw my parents living an incomplete life, and I didn't want that; I actually strive for the exact opposite. It took me a looong time of trial and error to figure that out."

"But how do you stay so positive?" I said eagerly, wanting to know more.

Marlene suffered from an abusive childhood until she ran away at sixteen. Her father was gay but hid it until later in her life; she feels this caused many of his anger issues in her younger years.

"All that comes to mind is how amazing my grandma was. She taught me how to have a sense of humour and that there were better times ahead. I have always wanted to be a role model like her. She was my wise knight in shining armour. So, when she passed, I knew I had to be that person for my own family."

I then recognised she had the solution to our assignment, so I asked: "So, your project is to live a happier life than your parents?"

Marlene’s lips quivered and she covered her mouth, "Holy shit, you almost made me cry. When I was 22, I had kids, and I wanted to make sure my kids didn't live the life of abuse I did."

I felt I knew the answer but I asked anyways, "Did the abuse make you stronger?"

"Absolutely, it gave me compassion and extremely thick skin."

"Does having thick skin help you with school?"

"You know, I've been picked on my whole life so, when it comes to professors giving me criticism, I don’t have time to cry."

This is when I felt a connection with Marlene. Who knew I could bond with someone with such a significant age difference; I, too, have struggled with abusive parents and find a lot of the strength from surviving abuse. I guess some of us are living the same experiences at different times.

"Do you think you'll achieve the happiness by the time you are done school?"

"You know what. I am so very proud of myself, and I don't remember the last time I was. School has helped me grow, which has given me the confidence to succeed without anyone's help. Now, I don't need to rely on anyone else to be independent. Happiness has come from within"

Marlene smiled for the first time while speaking; This was when I noticed the wrinkles engraved around her mouth. Without a word leaving her mouth, a story was spoken of many happy moments she had lived since the days when she was abused. I guess, when one is without parents, the true teacher becomes father time. The wrinkles I was once dreaded receiving, I now cannot wait to earn. This is when I realized time heals all wounds.